


What If-?

by EverythingCanadian



Series: Unfinished Musings and Drabbles [4]
Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Cousin Incest, M/M, Multi, not actually a fic, word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-09-30 10:29:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17222312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverythingCanadian/pseuds/EverythingCanadian
Summary: Basically this was me at 2 in the morning word vomiting a fic I don't think I'll ever refine or finish.It's a soulmate au between all 5 of them where Kevin is told to hide it.





	1. Chapter 1

Brian is shocked when his soulmate's tattoo comes in. Well tattoos actually, he has more than one as it shows up on his thigh upside down to him. It's when he sits down and writes out the dates that he can see them. Instead of upside down numbers and slashes they are now months and days and years all nice and neat going down his left thigh. He’s thirteen that morning and already got four soulmates as of his morning shower. 

What he doesn’t see is his dad taking note of one very specific date, having to pass it on to Brian’s aunt to make sure that Brian never finds out. 

He's so excited that he can now show off to his friends, Adrian has two dates on his forearms and Rick has one going sideways down his right leg between shin and calf. Danielle has a pair in small print on her right wrist that she's kissed for good luck before tests. 

But Brian has four, all wildly different ages if the years are anything to go by. 

It wasnt until he was 18 that he met his soulmates. Well three of them anyway, the fourth was a mystery. AJ, Howie, and a surprisingly young Nick were the bottom three dates on his pale thigh. It took no time to bond with the three after his cousin Kevin introduced them all, a knowing smirk on his lips. 

“Boys, I present to you your February 20th of 1975. Purebred Kentucky boy and my cousin. Cruz meet Howie D, AJ, and little Nicky.”

“Hey!” 

“Nick.” Kevin's smile turned a little tight as Brian pulled up his shorts leg, showing off the now shockingly white numbers, watching the other three do the same. 

“Oh wow! That's so cool!” Nick shouted as he looked at his side, shirt lifted a bit to show the design's change in colour. 

There was one black mark left on them all and Brian drowned softly. “is there only us in this group?” 

Kevin finally let his smile fall, seeing the slight disappointment in Brian's face at not having a complete list. “yeah. Just us Bri.” Kevin said softly. 

It wasnt a secret that Kevin didnt have any Mark's on him, all four of the boys knew this as AJ asked one morning while Brian wasnt even a thought yet. Kevin hesitated before sighing heavily. 

“I'm not marked. I'm a blank.”

The thing is, Kevin wasn’t telling the truth, he was in fact marked. With four small and straight lines of dates on the inside of his right thigh, enough to be covered by shorts or underwear. Four lines that were all white for him because he knew. He knew that his date was on all four of their bodies, but he never held his birthday on the real date he was born.

His Mother and his uncle had sat down on the morning of Brian’s thirteenth birthday and let him know that Brian had Kevin’s birthday. 

“I thought- I thought it was just a coincidence that I had his, I thought maybe someone else was born on that same day and made for me- not my cousin. No! This can’t b- I’m not. Mom?! I didn’t mean for this to happen. You have to believe me!”

“Kevin honey. I do believe you. But this can’t happen, it’s not right. You can’t let Brian know Kev, his soul shouldn’t match yours and he’s never to find out about this.” His mom had let him skip school that day.

Kevin had cried well into the afternoon when his dad came home and his brother as well. They had a family meeting about what was going to be done. “The 5th is now my birthday, Brian won’t find out if we insist that I was born on the 5th and not the 3rd. From now-” Kevin’s voice cracked hard. “From now on it’s the 5th, that makes it so I’m old enough to drive legally, and then drink legally if we push it two days.” Kevin said softly at the dinner table. “He’ll never find out.”

That was all that was needed to keep Brian from thinking that Kevin was the fourth. All of them were wondering if their soulmate was a hot chick or something like that. Kevin wanted to cry and laugh at the same time as he heard them nattering away one afternoon. 

They were in Europe when they started asking the questions to each other, Kevin overhearing it all. He felt along his inner thigh while sitting on their bus, squeezing the skin and fat softly as an apology to them all. But he couldn’t say anything in fear of Brian finding out everything. 

Kevin had to get a new passport at the embassy in London, having coffee spilt on his by some stranger in the airport once they had landed. They had a couple of weeks there for photoshoots and interviews and many other events planned. But Kevin needed a passport and quick, even if it was temporary. It was then that Kevin realized that he was going to have this soulmate thing blow up in his face, having to give over his real birth date as it was a government issued ID. And being the tight crew they were, the five boys all went to the embassy together, Brian coming with Kevin to the passport bay while AJ, Nick and Howie tried to flirt with some of the tellers over at currency. 

“Sir?”

Kevin finally snapped out of his panic. “Uh- yeah sorry.”

“Can you state your name in full and date of birth so we can proceed.” The lady behind the desk was ready to type it out on a formal document.

Kevin swallowed and looked at his hands on the desk. “October third, 1971. Kevin Scott Richardson. 

He could feel Brian’s eyes slowly pan from the photo booth to his body, head tilting as he started to feel sick to his stomach. His thigh felt numb for a few moments as the realization of those words fell on his ears. Kevin was the fourth and knew it all along. Kevin. His cousin. Was his soulmate as designed specifically to fit in their group. 

Brian wanted to throw up as he knew that Kevin had lied to him since the beginning. Lied to them all. The knot of anger in Brian’s belly was growing fast as Kevin’s cheeks heated up, ears burning red hot. Kevin fucking knew. 

Brian just glared at Kevin before turning around and heading out of the passport bay. 

“Uh- Should I call security, he looked like he was going to be going on a rampage?” The teller asked softly, stunned in her place. 

“No. He- he just needs to blow off some- a lot of steam. He just figured out that were soulmates.” Kevin wiped at his eyes, feeling the tears come fast. “Can we just get this done fast please?”

The teller nodded and rapid fired the questions off before handing over an official document with his picture and all to use until he gets his replacement passport sent to them in London. A quick reprint and ship. 

Kevin had finally gotten outside and was heading to where the four were waiting outside for him, all either pissed off or heart broken or both. 

“Why?” Howie asked, shaking his head and snarling through his disbelievement. 

“Because I had to keep it a secret. I was told to never let Brian find out.”

“Said who!” Brian shouted on the sidewalk, face red in rage even if they were being watched. 

“Yours and my parents is who. They said not to let you find out because that would make us disgusting and sick. That I was already perverted for having fucking 1980 printed on my thigh. But to have my cousin there as well?! What do you think would have happened Brian? Tell me? Would our friends be fine with it? Would we be able to still go to church and face everyone there? Would our fans see us the same if that final date was me and they figured out that I’m tied to my fucking cousin because our souls fit perfectly together?” Kevin was growling now, voice low and dangerous and Nick was hiding behind Brian, holding his hand. “I had to keep it safe so that nothing bad would ever happen, and now that it’s inked white on us all the questions will come and how do you think our parents will react when they see that AJ  has all white script on his neck, or that Howie won’t wear shorts in the summer? How is that going to work? Because if you have an idea I would love to hear it.” Kevin saw disgust write across Brian’s face, the anger mixing with it. 

“You’re a fucking monster Kevin. Disgusting and sickening. I wish you were born on a different day because then I wouldn’t have to look at you and know that my cousin is my soulmate. I wish I could magically scrub off your birthday from our bodies so I don’t have to see that it’s  _ you _ who fits the puzzle.” Brian snarled and moved to turn, taking Nick with him as the other two trailed. “I wish you were never born. I would’ve found my soulmates on my own anyway. That’s what fate is for isn’t it?” Brian knew that was a low blow and he felt rage seethe in his body as he saw Kevin’s face wipe blank, standing straight and blinking. 

Kevin watched the four walk down the sidewalk towards their hotel. AJ turned back to look at him, only to go back to following Brian. 

Kevin scrubbed a hand through his hair in jerky movements, keeping himself caged until he too got back to their hotel, knowing he’d be paying for what he destroyed. 

By the time they were leaving London to head back to the States Kevin had rung up a 30,000 pound bill from the hotel. Having to be yelled at by their manager and PR coordinator for his attitude. It was a long flight back and Kevin had to play nice at the airport as the others had to as well, seeing fans and media on the tarmac as they boarded their rented jet home. 

Kevin was mentally thinking of flinging himself out of the plane when they hit cruising altitude, thinking of how best to open the door when Brian came and sat next to him. A glare on his face and eyes drilling holes. Kevin took off his headphones connected to his Walkman.

“Yeah?” He snarked, even though his voice was scratchy from screaming and crying into his pillow, his shower his arm. 

Brian heaved a big sigh, looking at how Kevin had bundled himself up under his coat in his seat. “Why are we soulmates?” He finally said. 

Kevin sat and stared at his cousin for a long moment, trying to figure out how to answer that. “I don’t know. Maybe we- I don’t know Brian.” Kevin’s voice cracked, eyes slamming shut against the tears already there. “I just wish that we were either not cousins or that we weren’t soulmates so that this wasn’t the outcome. I didn’t mean for you to find out- ever. I was told not to so that I wouldn’t pervert you, so that you wouldn’t grow up thinking that this was okay or that you were somehow broken if your soul was matched with your cousin.” Kevin pushed his coat off, a hand scrubbing over his tired and sore eyes. “I’m sorry that- look I’m just sorry. If I could fix this I would but this even  _ I _ can’t do.”

Brian hummed, nodding slowly. “Now what. I know. They know. Our fourth is- Kevin they aren’t complete. I can deal with it- I will deal with it. But AJ and Nick. And hell Kevin, Howie is all kinds of stressed out because he can’t deal with not having his fourth love him as much as we do. Nick is a ball of tears and fear and nightmares because of this. And AJ did half the damage you did because we were there to stop him.”

“Who said I don’t- Brian I love my soulmates with everything I have, why do you think I kept it hidden from you all and not just you? I knew that if one found out you all would and then it would be dominoes. If I told one and not another that would put mistrust in everybody. I couldn’t do that. I’ve kept this a secret for so long that being empty of soulmates in my mind was so real. At times I felt like I had none and that the white I have was scar tissue. I wanted to protect you all from being hurt like- well like now.” Kevin slumped in his seat. “It’s not that I don’t Bri. It’s that I can’t. I won’t allow myself to think that I can because it would tear everything apart. You- I would be estranged from the family and most likely this family here too. Once our family finds out what’s happened I’m not going to be there anymore for any of you.” Kevin wiped angrily at his tears. “I love you all so much that- Oh god.” Kevin’s tears finally hit, sobs coming in full force as his walls came down so fast. 

Brian moved to pull Kevin into him, feeling no resistance at all. It worried him so much he forgot his anger at Kevin. 

“Kev. Oh man what have they done to you.” Brian let Kevin cry into his chest, moving to sit so Kevin could be comfortable. He waved off anyone coming to see what was going on, just needing to give Kevin some space and peace. “My Kevin. My soulmate. What are you thinking cuz? I’m not grossed out, I’m not running this time. I’m right here.” Brian whispered for Kevin’s ears only, holding the man close to his heart. “Shhhh Kev, I got you.” 

They were like that for nearly an hour, just holding each other as Kevin let it out, what has been behind defenses for years. Guilt at his dates, guilt at his body’s reactions, guilt for the way he loved his cousin like he was taught not to. Anger at his family for what he’s been put through. Anger at his lies. And a pit of depression and sadness for what he’s done to his four soulmates, the missing pieces to his one piece. It was so long until he stopped crying finally, everything in his body jell-o like now from the pressure being released. 

“Better?”

Kevin nodded, sitting up so he can look at Brian. His eyes swollen and a fierce red, his mouth and nose crusted with spit and snot. His cheeks and chin with tears. “Bri?”

“I’m here. I’m right here and I ain’t movin’. No buts. I love you as family. I’m conflicted on this, having grown up like you but without the knowledge of what- of this. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t think any of us are. What I do know is that I missed you. I still do even though you’re here in front of me.”

“This has been the hardest time of my life. I missed you guys so much.” Kevin sniffled. 


	2. Plane Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin tells his cousin the whys. Brian and Howie try to provide some becauses.

Kevin's eyes were sore, body aching from sleeping against Brian on the plane. They were coming in at early morning, avoiding their US fans in order to go home in peace. 

Brian was petting through Kevin's hair when he woke up, the descent of the plane having woke him. Kevin whined softly before moving to sit up properly, feeling a kiss to his hair. “Bri?” 

“Yeah. Still me.” Brian murmured. “We won't be in the air much longer.”

Kevin closed his eyes again, a broken whimper leaving him. “I'm not ready yet. I miss my parents but I don't- they'll know as soon as they see me. I wo- they-. Brian I'll miss you so much.” Kevin's voice was beyond the raspy sound earlier, now it was gravel and smoke that had Brian pulling Kevin back in tight. 

“What if they don't separate us Kev, they won't do that will they?” 

“I told you. I was told not to let you know. They sat me down the morning you turned thirteen and had a conversation about propriety and ethics and how if we were to ever- that if we keep together and know about the bond that I'd be to blame. That it would be my fault because I'm older, I'm the adult here. They let Nick's date slide because he wasn't related but I was to wait. But with this? Brian I'm never gonna see you again cuz. They'll separate us and maybe separate the group.”

“They can’t were old enough to not have them loom over us. Hell I just turned twenty-one last month.” Brian growled. 

“Yeah. _You,_ Howie, and I are old enough. Aje and Nick aren't. Our parents will call for a meeting and then imagine what that would do.” Kevin murmured. All out of tears and belly in knots from both fear and going without food the past 17 hours. “This is it for us Bri. It'll be a long time.” 

Brian was seething and aching in his chest. As if his heart didn't have enough stress on it. “The we look into buying a house together. If we stay in our parents’ places were screwed. We need to get a place out of their influence. As you said, we’re old enough.”

Kevin moved them so they had the armrests up and they were somewhat comfortably sitting sideways on their seats, Kevin holding Brian now. Petting through blond curls. “I don't think either of us are ready to leave home like that yet Bri. Neither of us are stable after this. Your heart is getting worse. And I'm- the biggest secret I hold is now out. You all know it. But I can’t suddenly let my carefully put together walls crumble because if i let them and we separate from this then I'm going to be a mess. And you bet your ass that you four are going to be able to continue to be together. Close enough together. 

_ That's why _ I never wanted to tell you. I shouldn't have let you tag along to the passport office with me. If I had to stay in the dark my whole life just to protect you four I would've done it. But now I can't and we have to face our family when we touch down.” 

Brian could hear Kevin's heartbeat thud heavily against his ribs, breath hitching. 

“I love you Kev, did some thinking while you were out. And I realize that I love you. I  _ can  _ love you beyond family. And now that I can finally see that I can have all four soulmates I don't want to lose it again.” Brian sobbed. He knew it was hit turn to cry. Finally finding their fourth and losing him all in one week.

“I love you too Bri. I really do. And I'm so sorry that- that fate has done this to us. I'm going to miss you so much little cuz.” Kevin held Brian to his chest, tucking the man into him. 

Howie was walking back down the plane aisle from the bathroom up front, seeing Kevin's bloodshot eyes after a few hours. The look Howie had on his face was of confusion. But when the man saw Brian crying into Kevin's chest he had to intervene. “What? What did you do this time?”

“Told him the truth. And I should tell you as well.” Kevin took a deep breath. “once we see our families, Brian and mine, I'm not going to be allowed to see you guys again. It was the agreement I had with mine and Brian's folks. I keep my soulmates secret and guarded and I'm not kicked out or separated. But- they'll know as soon as they see me Howie.” Kevin looked down at Brian, nosing his hair. “this is all the time I'll have left before- well I don't rightly know till when.” his accent was thick as molasses, words coming out over an emotion last tongue now. “I don't wanna leave. But I need to do so gracefully in front of AJ and Nicky. But the car ride home won't be pleasant.” 

Howie frowned, letting the words soak in. “move out.” he said sternly. “Move in with me.” 

“I told Bri already. I'm not ready to leave home yet.” Kevin felt a squeeze of Brian's hand fisting his shirt. “even if I do my parents will call a meeting to disband the group. Call on Nick and AJ's parents to-”

“Nick's parents dont give a shit about him any more, Kev. They're treating him like shit. They won't let the group disband because he's a money maker to them. And AJ's mom? She loves us all so much. Did you or did you not hear her ten minute long voicemail she left on AJ's mobile phone. Come live with me if,  _ if,  _ your parents do something stupid like that.” Howie was nearly snorting flames Kevin saw the need and anger in those brown eyes. “live with me so you don't have to suffer without us anymore. Because I swear Kevin! You aren't a damn blank, you're our soulmate and we need you because the universe chose you for us. So grow some balls on this.”


End file.
